If you’re having trouble creating an affection for your baby, you don’t have to feel guilty about it, especially if you’re a new mom or if the pregnancy conditions weren’t ideal. You are probably tired after giving birth. In addition to hormonal changes, your body is tired from physical exertion and your mind is in a similar state due to stress.
At the same time, childbirth results in uncertainty and confusion about everything related to motherhood. So don’t despair or feel like a bad mother if you don’t feel the maternal instinct just as you expected.
Be patient and believe it will come in time. In the meantime, read the tips in this article!
Expectations before childbirth
Expectant mothers have certain expectations and thoughts about having a baby as the last trimester approaches. Your obstetrician has discussed possible scenarios and you may already know if you can give birth downstream or in a planned section.
All this vision creates certain expectations. You’ll probably imagine yourself as a rested and baby-loving fresh mom. This is common in our culture because of the media. Of course, you never see yourself as an exhausted mom full of questions.
Adding these expectations, combined with advice from friends and family, which is certainly given with good intentions, will mainly cause confusion. Especially if not all children are born under optimal conditions. So it’s no wonder if you’re struggling to create an affectionate relationship with your baby.
Some say it starts as soon as the mother becomes aware of her new role. However, it is facilitating to know that this bond can be built if it does not happen naturally.
No recipe or manual fully explains how to be a mother or how to form an affectionate relationship with a newborn. Everything shows that it happens in a special way and on time.
It starts to appear in some mothers as soon as they find out they are pregnant, and in others only after giving birth. Some bonds form after difficult and exhausting first weeks. However, many will not experience it for even longer. Anyway, both options work great.
How to develop your emotions if you have difficulty building an affectionate relationship with your baby
As we have already said, the mother and child do not have to form a strong affection immediately on the first day. However, there are some helpful tips you can try to build an affection relationship.
1. Look for physical contact
Keep your baby by your side, under clothing if you want to feel skin contact.
This is a particularly good remedy for premature babies, as this method can be used to regulate temperature. Getting the baby so close, breathing and smelling are pleasant sensations that create affection.
2. Look the baby in the eyes
Take advantage of breastfeeding time to look into her eyes. He may not focus on you at first, but you can use this time to build an affection.
This eye contact completes the feeding time and shows him that you are there. Later, you may want to listen to a specific song that your baby can combine at a common time.
3. Sleeping together
Lying down during breastfeeding creates an atmosphere of intimacy that helps build an attachment relationship. Let your baby sleep with you more often if it calms you down.
Iron her gently, rubbing your baby’s little head. It stimulates your baby’s development and strengthens your relationship.
4. Rest is good
A newborn baby needs a lot of care both day and night. Do not treat your baby alone if you are really tired.
If possible, make use of your support network to care for your baby. Don’t refuse a family member’s offer to help you. Rest allows you to be in a better mood and be willing to spend time with your baby.
5. Talk about your feelings
If you’re having trouble building an affectionate relationship with your baby and it bothers you so that it takes your sleep, it’s a good idea to talk to someone about it. Someone you can talk to without fear of being judged.
You may be surprised at how talking to another mother makes her admit that she has gone through the same thing. The key here is to let your emotions out and prevent the formation of emotional potholes.
6. Find your way to being a mother
You may be wondering why you don’t feel that strong attachment to your baby, as everyone said. This romantic idea of a perfect and harmonious motherhood from the very first moment is often a mere myth. It doesn’t always happen that way.
Doesn’t it feel good to know you’re not alone?
You are not the only mother who experiences this. So don’t blame yourself. Prepare to become a mother and enjoy all the imperfections as well as the realities that society seeks to hide. In 1949, the French philosopher Simone de Beauvoir stated that “motherhood is natural because it is naturalized by patriarchal culture”.
7. Give yourself time
Motherhood is a condition, and every woman makes her own journey. Listen to your own feelings and don’t compare yourself to anyone else. Give yourself time until you feel ready.
There will come a time when you are ready. Bonding doesn’t have to happen right away, and it doesn’t make you a bad mother.
Enjoy every day, be independent. No one but you is part of this journey. If you are worried or want to learn more, you can read the literature on how to create a bond with your newborn.
Contact a professional if you have difficulty establishing an affection with your baby
So… Weeks have passed and despite all your efforts you are still having difficulty connecting with your baby. If so, it may be time to seek professional help, especially if this emotional state is uncomfortable for you and makes you feel inadequate.
It happens more often than you think. Many studies link it to postpartum depression, so it is important to address this problem in a timely manner. Try an introspective exercise to check the memory to see if any triggering element could be running during this step.
Finally, rejoice. It’s just a matter of time and awareness that you are going through your own experience of motherhood. You will see how the strong bond you build grows and strengthens over the years!